I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
