I want to walk on stilts...naked
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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