piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
