I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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