I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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