The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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