my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
