Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my vag is so smooth its legendary
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
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Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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