Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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