My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn off my feet"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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