my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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