I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
