Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
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This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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