I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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