the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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