I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
