At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
