why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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