I think I am morally bankrupt
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
