Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
FUCK WHALES
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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