There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
