I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
