I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
