where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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