There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
