do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
