Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
