That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
