my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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