you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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