let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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