Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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