nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
