If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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