No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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