It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
