I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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