worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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