dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
