Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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