I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's always time for handjobs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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