My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
someone owes me an orgasm
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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