OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Are we still banned from the library?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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