Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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