I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
