how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
