Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
