Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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