and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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