For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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