She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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