there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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