I wish I could teleport
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Your cock deserves a montage
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
