but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
