I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
