I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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