Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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