In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
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