What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
