They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This is classic penis vs brain.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
