dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize