I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she looked like the before picture.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
