I showed him my bush... on skype.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
