It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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