Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
