so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
