I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
