Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
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Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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