So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
