neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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