I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
