I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
