I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
